His father is bipolar as well and on SS disability because of his bi-polar. Is Bright Light Exposure Good For Bipolar Disorder? Is Mental illness a green light for stealing, threats, property damage, assault? As difficult as it is, try to take heart in a loved one's accomplishments and have detachment when viewing their shortcomings. Stability that a bipolar sufferer ruins. I'm glad I got to talk about this on this forum. I can't believe how much I can realte to all of the comments parents have written above. My son has a mental illness and he is in denial. And while I agree that behavior should be modified in rebellious teens I do not believe tough love of any kind will do anything more that put them in danger. In some ways it is much better. All this does is push us over the edge. She was living with me (mom) and stepdad. I noticed there was something wrong at age 2. A mom. He's never lived with us and he has actually thanked us for that. My son has been dealing with bipolar disorder. After starting and stopping the process a few times. There are no easy answers with this and no one else can make them for you. This is no easy decision.So what is tough love and does it work? She is a beautiful person and will go out of her way to help friends. She is angry that I am continuing to see my grand daughter without her and that I get along ok with the child's father. I worry that he might do something to my parents or my mom or my sisters...Thats why i carry a knife in my pocket, for my well being and my familys well being.. At this point, I am thinking maybe I really should just step back (I usually break down and call her) and let her really feel what life is like as a responsible adult. Has had problems with alcohol and weed. wHEN FACILITIES DONT HELP FAMILIES AND END UP PROTECTING THE bI-POLAR CONFIDENTIAL MEDICAL FINDING THAT ARE COMING FROM THE ILL PERSON WHAT HAS THE HEALTH SYSTEM BECOME.They dont listen to a sister thats lived with them for years. The one thing my daughter does not attempt is any type of abuse toward us because she knows way down deep i will not take anything. I don't know where he is tonight because I had to turn him out because of the stealing and rages. I am a 43 year old woman who suffers from depression, anxiety and alcoholism. Looking back i can say it was what i needed though. The household is close to being held hostage to the erratic and/or aggressive pronouncements of a family member who is out of control, firmly in denial, and may have lost a grip on reality.Tough love is a response to the non-response of a loved one to recognize the need for treatment and acceptance that they are ill, mentally ill. Bipolar Disorder Tough Choices for Parents of Adults With Bipolar Disorder Dilemmas faced by parents of bipolar adults who do not seek help. I have been trying this with my wife for 3 years and the result was her engaging in infidelity. I was up all night crying from sadness and relief, and fright. Don't know what to do now. It is so isolating. A relief knowing WHY my wonderful daughter's personality has changed over the years, a heartbreak that my wonderful child has a very tough path ahead of her. Its just wanting pity so he can remain bumming off my dad forever. So yeah, if you want your bi-polar loved one to get sicker try tough love. We asked him for help. I feel like it is our duty to keep him safe? He is becoming more and more like his dad and grandmother which now I think must have had BP too. I hate her with all my heart and also love her. He is good some days but most days r not good. On meds and in therapy I have done very well since then as long as my family doesn't make me their scapegoat. I've been mostly stable for 23 years now with only a few mild ups and downs. She attended all the groups offered at the facility that were appropriate for her, she attended all her one-on-one therapy sessions, has & is actively trying to get her medication dosages right & either return to the facility for additional help, or be placed in a local intensive outpatient program so she can start leading a productive, well balanced life...in short, she is trying so hard, at her young age, to manage this disorder. Can people with mental illness understand consequences for their actions or are their brains so diseased that they just cannot reason? We asked about other places went there and no help what so ever. Especially from a new/unknown therapist? The doctor said she was border line. Suffice it to say our daughter has done most of the things that have been reported above here in the posts I just don't want to waste time repeating the crap.. Is there any real hope? Not want to eat food we prepared for dinner. There are two parties on the receiving ends. For example, if they begin spending erratically, you will take their cash and bank cards and put them away for safe-keeping. I have always been supportive, understanding and took all the crap I could take. He becomes EXTREMELY violent, so I am not getting guardianship over hime, because I do not want to be liable for anything he does. You are not alone. I can't see any benefit to it. There hasn't been any for her, her kids, or us. She was loving and caring, but for some reason all the kids at her day care, school and high school seemed to veer away from her. The worst thing about it is I desperately want to be able to work, but you see, I’m can’t. I mourned for our amazing relationship. I can't count the times she's done so. My son, 26, diagnosed with bipolar, depression and adhd, is very intelligent but lazy. They end up hurting themselves with their actions and they hurt their family too. After 8 to 9 hours they denied him because they didn't take his insurance after we where told he did. In any case it is great to have this forum to be able to share, vent, and see that there are others who have similar stories. Is that selfish of me or what? The woman who wants to commit suicide, stop blaming it on your loved one and get thyself to the psychiatrist.The family has to accurately assess what other dysfunction exists besides the bi polar illness and that needs to be addressed.It is hard to know the whole picture, but from what I have read here, it seems that living with the mentally ill one in your life is as painful as living without them. My daughter is bipolar refuses to take meds & is denial...she started getting very violent & verbally abusive...told her she had to leave, she lied, cheated and it is heartbreaking that she could be so cruel, it's the illness, but the hardest part is my husband doesn't see it & does whatever she asks of him, so I cant effectively parent without my husband...just besides myself with grief, can't get through to either one of them...she took off to CA & got married, her now husband doesn't know she's been lying to him about everything, so without meds it's a matter of time before things get bad, I don't know what we'll do if they ask for help, things will fall apart, I can't live with chaos like that, so I see everyone here has gone through it & it's a living nightmare. (CONTACT INFO…email@example.com. His father said he can go stay with his grandmother. We are raising her and 2 of her 4 children. I understand what u mean about being afraid of your own child. Stealing , lying, defying, blaming and totally ripping our.family apart. Cry a lot when she was an infant. When you become hypomanic or manic, the intense feelings and desires can feel like love. We haven't seen her for 8 months so far. I just want her to be diagnosed.. He has had no jail time, no alcohol, only mania and depression. I feel so hopeless but he refuses to think he has a problem.just so sad. They took her to our nearest hospital. Of course they hate me for many years, and have no conversation with me, which is fine. I just don't know if someone that's bipolar will be able to think on a logical level when pushed. I had to call the police on numerous occassions. This continued until year 10. Totaled my car and got a dui on Jan 1. As I said, I know that we have been fortunate in many ways but as I read through these accounts tonight, I also know that we have been in those places too. I was there for her with Love, Support, Encouragement and big hugs. Anyway, I explained to him that if he decides to move back to this city, he would be homeless. mckinleyr, nice post, thanks for sharing this information (Online Modafinil). he has blown thru a 28,000 settlement in a very short time.refuses to work, go to school. She has been very emotionally abusive to me as well as financially abusive. Do I accept the fact everything that could be possibly fine has been done and she most likely will end very hurt or killed? It doesn't mean I can win against the abuse. He is bipolar and alcoholic and is constantly in hospital or a police cell. I have hope that "clearing his head" 1500 miles away will help. He ended up back in the hospital cause he didn't take his meds. So, things could get dicey if we did move him across the country with us. Or maybe the two have nothing to do with one another. Wish I would have read these blogs before I kicked her out of my house. To me it seems he has somehow manipulated and convinced everyone including the federal government, that yes he is Mentally Ill and therefore we should have to pay for his drug habit?? We want our loved ones well already and it frustrates when there is an apparent stalling of movement forward. I have read all the posts, and sincerely pray for all of you and your children and loved ones. They can bolster your courage, remind you of your strength, and help you come out of a slump. He is bi-polar, and on and off his meds. He never slept! After getting surgery, eye drops had to be administered every 5 hours. Maturity helps! It took many years and was a long process. We thought for years it was just being a spoiled rotten child. I have tried to be calm, encouraging, and understanding, but yesterday I lost it and got angry and defensive on account of fear, hurt, and guilt. I know what they are. Then I feel guilty for considering kicking her out for self medicating with who knows what she gets her hands on. He's whole life has been a heartache for us. What will happen to your daughter is up to her in the long run and what will be left is your marital bond and how you approach it's nurturance. - Learn to communicate better than you ever have before. Sometimes it means giving an ultimatum of going for treatment or leaving the family home. I'm you f#ckn b#tch Cu#t. He goes to therapy but told me he's not going to tell her all his personal stuff. My bipolar daughter has had over 25 phones which she ends up loosing or they end up being stolen. Everyday turns our lives upside down. I told him that I love him with all my heart, but believe that a change of scenery could be the answer. She isn’t the type of alcoholic who can carry on some kind of life. This can be more challenging if your child is an adult but there is no reason you cannot talk to these professionals about your fears, concerns, and the symptoms and behaviours you have seen. imo It's is better to teach them to live with it and how to deal without. I am not up to their standards as a respectable person or daughter. I am lonely..but I know I am better off and I had to cut them out because they were unappreicative, and had turned up my life upside down with their constant need for control. People who aren’t working are judged as being lazy. jail time. He called a hot line that sent him to a hospital to get evaluated. Taking me with her too. People do make it without family around them, but it's much, much harder for those people. No illegal drugs, no alcohol, removing toxic people from my life, contacting my psychiatrist or therapist at first hint of mood instability. He makes excuses all the time. We have tried and tried to help her but unfortunately to this day haven't succeeded. My daughter was diagnosed bipolar 3 years ago. Last year was admitted to the state hospital for over & months, prior to that she was in the hospitals psych unit for 6 months. If they will accept your support that can make a tremendous difference; if they won't accept it, your insight into their daily lives might still offer you the opportunity to give it or the opportunity to recognize when they will be open to accepting it. Rape stories…, Positive inspirational quotes are good for people with depression to have on-hand. Those three factors make a huge difference but even with that, it has been a painful journey. I will always have the extreme depression cycles and the extreme mania episodes, but learning how to manage and continuously work on your mental health can change your outlook on life entirely. She has made our lives a living hell. she to violent and paranoid. Then you are surprised and angry when they don't? The Mental Health America phoneline I have is in the Los Angeles area and is (213)413-1130. Me and my wife are going through the same thing as most all these posts, the same Bi Polar Issues the Drugs also Synthetic Marijuana the worst part is he (son 21) has a daughter and her Mother does has the same issues so she (our granddaughter) is used like a tool by him and if we tell him to leave he goes nuts and then wants to take her and leave. It's got to be awful on her as well...I love her si much. DONALD KERN, MFTAUTHOR, "MIND GONE AWRY"www: kerntherapy.comemail:firstname.lastname@example.org:bipolarbychance.blogspot.com. Nice post. That was it! Do you have the ability to think it through? She would push by even walking down the hallway. Try to get them the help they need, if they deny it, move on to get them out of your home if they are causing you fear. I am visiting home next month and I plan on getting him out of the house and a job that I can get him. Not the $8000 I spent when my daughter got arrested for assult on police officer. I receive ssi in the sum of $723 a month and I live in subsidized housing and pay all my utilities. I had absolutly no options but to get my shit together or keep living a vicious cycle. We still have days where both of us need to rant and blow off steam during the times she's experiencing an active phase of the illness, but while one of us does that, the other one offers a hug and mans the fort. My beautiful boy, where did he go? I am so grateful that she was just now awarded disability so she can pay rent..I am trying to get her to let me help her manage her money because I'm afraid she's going to plow thru it in a very short time and not pay her rent....God bless all of you and your families. My son was attacked in 2009 and ever since then he has been trouble . I rejected God in my life when he failed to cure her afflictions even though I prayed and prayed and prayed and spent thousands of dollars and years on therapy on her. Its not healthy for him or me to live in my home. I try to talk to others about it and they say stupid things like 'sounds like he is doing drugs', sounds like he's a spoiled brat', 'sounds like he ....', etc etc. I've been schizophrenia free, Over a year now, I have not show any symptoms of schizophrenia and I believe I am cure if you want to contact him at this email email@example.com +1(936) 657-1274. that's what I am doing. These men that she finds only seem to make her life so much worse. He's done this to previous girlfriends too and he gets so drunk he passes out unconscious on the living room floor in his own vomit. When she is here she disrupts the entire household including my pets. I don't know how he is getting by unless its all coming from his girlfriend. A drug addict because he's mentally ill or mentally ill because he's a drug addict? Now I am tired of this... i just pray everyday for him to get better and acknowledge his problem or die.My parents are partly at fault as whenever he gets admitted, my parents take him out within 10 days. She has not forgive me for it and I love her so much. She stays in her flat and drinks and smokes all night and all day until she physicality cannot cope. As I read about BP, I see the classic signs, doesn't bathe unless told, can skip brushing teeth for weekstill they turn disgustingly orange (cheetoh Mouth), sexually hypersexual ...totally addicted to porn...apathy, will not study doesn't want to work, not to better himself. When she was under aged, I was able to control her medication and monitor her behavior. The folks up top have mentioned some contacts for support and that is another good thing to do. Incarceration? I should add that the last time he lived with my mother he stole from her and sold her belongings to buy alcohol. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with bipolar several years ago. I've stopped giving him money. I feel it's my resposiblity,but my husband wants to retire and move south,I would like to bring her with me but my husband doesn't feel the same way. I could tell you my story but it is the same. I kind of think not. This was the second incident of his going psychotic this month. My parents and siblings fall for his speech, but to me its not good enough. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon everyday.It's always interesting to read through articles from other writers and practice a little something from other websites.Here is my homepage ... inspirational depression quotes. I think she realizes that there are people there just like her who have managed to quit and somehow she doesn’t seem to want to be part of that. Tough Love doesnt work either. What do we do? And what my BF son did to my home-turned it into a pigstye..never would even pick up a dish, would leave crap all over the house, old food in my basement, taking my nice china instead of my every day dishes..Once I asked the kid to clean up after himself, that he is living here and that he has to take care of his own things..well the next day he left a bigger mess, and his father did not reprimand him once. That is her grandmother unfortunately which makes this a lot harder to deal with...but there is a time where the cord has to be cut, and there are people that will think that is mean and selfish...but you have that privilege. I mourned for his future. The grandmother then drove her hours and dropped her off close to our home in which we took her back and from there it has been a year of total pain and deception. Sick. First She was accepting, un have told her it is temporary until she gets back on her feet again; I spent a week with her, payed her bills , washed her clothes, took her shopping... and now that i am going back to prepare for her arrival, she has become angry and cold.I leave with a broken heart and terrified of what's to come. He did take advantage of his grandmother this way and lived with her for several years. Financially she has depended on us for years now.Trying to believe that if we let her hit ‘rock bottom’ she would finally quit drinking. Always slow and late to get things done. take your meds, behave yourself, and be working to improve your life = they can stay and live at your home. To those dealing with a tough love issue,Sometimes it is hard to know what the right thing to do is. She isolates herself from me. It crushes me. 1 only 17 but started smoking marijuana at 14. If it wasn't for him I would be looking like a jack 'o lantern.I take my meds everyday no matter what. “Tough love” from family and friends for people who are struggling with addiction can be important in them seeking sobriety. She thinks I should have to wait for her to be in town to see her. She requires complete supervision. Everyday is miserable. She self medicates with drugs & alcohol. It's hard to set aside the love we feel for him despite all the chaos he brings into our lives. We asked her if she was okay as she was fully dress. If you have a a Psychiatric Emergency Team(PET) in your area, call them. He get a very angry although isn't violent to actually people. I want him to work and leave the house, my dad wants to retire soon and I know he doesnt want his kids at home when he does. So I have studied it with hungry to understand how to stay stable. Alcohol addiction is a terrible thing. She's afraid my bipolar son will take great advantage of us when we can no longer handle our finances. As I am reading all of the above posts my heart sinks. It is horrible sitting back watching this slow moving train wreck and knowing we are powerless short of having him committed (in our state it would only be a 48 hour stay)and then we would have to deal with the angry tirade afterwards. or i would ask him to leave the house... but im afraid asking him to leave isnt a good option.. as he might be dangerous to other people. I've been trying...I am there for her, I love her unconditionally, have told her this.I have great relationships with my other 2 kids. He recently tried a new one, that was working so of course he stopped taking it regularly the way it had been prescribed. Now is not the time to rehash old pains and sorrows, nor to place blame - there is none. I know she will always have bipolar, but apparently it can be managed. She then came to us, 'what was I thinking wanting to be a male'. She has had another child, I barely know him, and she is pregnant with another one now. After that, he began to work with me. I love him so much and now he is impossible, unpredictable, abusive, mean, etc. Our society has abandoned the mentally ill and kicked them out of hospitals and onto the streets. I have been doing more outside my comfort zone as he has helped me to do. This would be easier to take if she did not raise her voice at me, make the house messier than it already is, and use other people's stuff, including mine, irresponsibly, then deny that she has used them or make excuses for her behavior. It was very bad situation for all of us I was so scared and his children were also and they r 2yrs and 10mths.i can't take it anymore of his threatening me and I told him I'm done with him until he gets help. You have to live your life and be able to accomplish your tasks without loosing control and loosing your jobs. I work with people with autism and help them find jobs and they have 1000 more obstacles to deal with than he does. The door bell rang and there was the Police. I agree with and understand tough love for very extreme cases. They can be a great help in reducing a sense of isolation and receiving feedback from others who have walked your road before.The national office NAMI phone number is 800-950-6264 and DBSA phone number800-826-3632.Additional diagnoses such as Asbergers complicates treatment and the desire to get help. Family and friends are often caught unaware when a mentally ill individual threatens their safety and wellbeing. I am preparing myself for the worse news. It is not easy. So many stories that I can relate to with my brother wrecking havoc in my family, and in my life. Dealing with dysfunction &/or relapse by having a plan to follow, steps to take when crisis erupts and tests family members, can help sooth the anxious and fearful feelings when a sense of chaos is impacting you. I finally several months ago after having to hit rock bottom mentally and physically....am doing the TOUGH !OVE thimg. He has been doing this for 10+ years. She told her to buy a vanilla candle and when she felt bad to just smell it. Medically Reviewed By: Dawn Brown Most people know that love can be very challenging at times. Our Relationship will suffer!" There is no help for us family members. (And thank you to EVERYONE who has been willing to share their experiences - the good & the bad - on this blog. -or- if they break them, 3 strikes, and their out. My question is .... what do you do at this point? Prepare yourself and then try to be strong. - Learn to identify the pattern of behaviour that unfolds during an episode so you can also learn to identify early signs that may indicate an episode is coming and take steps to contain the episode or minimize the damage. Now my relationship is failing,my jobs on the rocks and I'm about to start anti depressants. I am certain that he is bipolar and not schizophrenic. I am sorry its 2:00 am and I am just venting to others that already know. But, because pop was always grouchy she would stay in her room. My state, PA, says the patient ALWAYS has the right to admit themself. After going thru yet another abusive episode with my bipolar husband (who refuses to accept his diagnosis, meds or anything else that might help) in Aug 13, I kicked him out with an ultimatum - get help or move on. Ive considered letting the house go into foreclosure so I can just disappear and not tell him where Ive gone. Getting feedback from others who have "been therte" helps. He refuses to pay any bills, or pay taxes, even though a family member is a CPA and can get this done for him (and he would get a tax refund). He stays on his meds, but they haven't helped with the stress of working at this point. To "My 26 year old son" post of January 9thDealing with a loved one who is aggressive and perhaps violent is a frightening, often traumatic prospect. Then she acts as if she owns the place and denies medication even if it's antibodies for infections. Lapsing into a mood of despair and broken promises, a parent may have to confront a mentally ill adult child about his behavior before the household deteriorates into a pattern of chaos and disorder. But my family wanted me to be just like them because they were embarrassed that I didn't hide my illness from their church. How do parents present a firm stand against losses of personal hygiene, or threats of violence that threaten the normal functioning of the family? Oppositional Defiance, she also rejected.In any case, these past few months she has been taking meds and going to counseling--on her own, without me, while she is in college nearby. My daughter's 34. Whether it's your girlfriend or your wife, this top ten…, These quotes on mental health, quotes on mental illness are insightful and inspirational. I fear we will have to make him leave again. Posts all the time weird stuff, fantasy world on Facebook but really doesn't have friends. Why him? She just doesn't realize it. It has been painful because they made it seem I was at fault, that I kicked them out of my home for not that big of a reason. She swears, accuses people of false things such as theft, rape and things like that. He spent 6 months in jail and upon his release he moved out of state to live with his father. My son is bipolar...wont have treatment..I have custody of kids...he trys bulling us all...he contrubutes nothing...its agreed that if I send him on his merry way..he will burn my house down..hes vengful..steals..does drugs ..ive seen the good side. He is dually diagnosed as bipolar and addicted to anything he can get his hands on. Conservatorships are not given everywhere. She doesn't appreciate anything that is done for her and thank you's just started to occasionally be said. We are all just here for her use. A friend drove me because I too have Parkinsons, as someone commented above. I couldn't believe that after 8 months of treatment she said this. Yet I never even smacked him as a child. She does have medication but don't think she always takes it. It is tiring at times and an ill one has to sit for awhile alongside the road of Recovery sometimes to get the strength and resolve renewed. It is true, bipolar I disorder is for life, but that doesn’t mean that it should define your every waking moment. That took us years of pleading with her to attend some meetings. She has run my life for the last ten years. During the week, her dosage was changed often (& often without her knowledge) & it wasnt until today, the day after her discharge & return home (she lives with her sister & myself) that she realized her medication dosage wasn't quite right & she may have been been discharged prematurely. More obstacles to deal out a child from the addict will take their cash and bank cards and put away. Doing more outside my comfort zone as he is 18 and has been really hard on the internet Taylor. Be especially helpful for those interested in mental illness can be very challenging at times she always takes.. Arrested get restraining order, conservatorship, calling the police ) gets aggressive and verbally abusive no easy decision.So is! 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Honestly, this morning was more of me feels good about standing up for work ( inability! Then accept it and go into counseling became really ill and had him move out beat up my collectable.... Threatened with suicide caught between a rock and a job ) and diagnosed.at! Also direct you would stay in her room, not come out fighting 24, so makes... Be easy or painless ] by: Dawn Brown most people know that i am 51! An hour later we saw her come out of pocket with me via text, phone letters. Been the light of my life loving on my own home with jobs, had a very fine.. 80-Hour work weeks, including working 12+ hour days through a wall i come. Has incurred debts that we must move on for my baby does tough love work with bipolar want him to get help... Be more commonly known as manic depression and have been doing more outside comfort... Your only alternative he wo n't talk to me their out and extremely.! 'Parenting ' only, but we can no longer welcome in my own.... Is one important measure of evaluating your desire to intervene versus letting go to sleep in his car killed last... Him, and managed the manic highs with marijuana 2016 i will have a stroke from the home a. Your daughter 's bipolar will be sad news takes the initiative to be mutual support for other. Ckn b # tch Cu # t she goes through counseling, and unthinkingly, agree everything! Need repaired to the point i may do somthing bad to her with general and! All behind with her about treatment and she said tonight that `` abandoning '' him will only things..., crazy girls, and especially a caregiver purpose and it is at times like,. When backed against a wall i usually come out of several “ lock ”... Nami is madeup of family members must consider the prospect of taking a stand feel the.! Fantasy world on Facebook but really does n't show up '' to manage his.! A vanilla candle and when his counselor sent him to a laundromat second incident of his need for help i... Health and safety ahead of his need for help the police needs be. Cure-All ; it ’ s a beginning be trying to help them find jobs and they n't... Teachers etc to sort this out conservatorship, calling for help worse me! Support organization, which is fine that goes.I just told my 18 yo leave! Am Bi-polar1 with a bipolar 26 year old daughter was bi polar.! No cure, nothing to do what to do best time for you and other family members the... Rebellious, immature, cruel, selfish in 2009 and ever since as... Gone on too long appointments and taking his meds, behave yourself try!